you refused to come out of the bathroom until i asked you in spanish
i would hope so, cause i don't think 'i drove off the road because i was getting some head' is covered in insurance
I just had sex on a bear rug. My life is complete.
definitely not taking the whole return culture shock so well...drinking a 100 proof rootbeer vodka float out of a german beer mass
so, give him that "thank you for fighting for my freedom bj" & he wont even remember what you said in that six min voice mail.
Chill out, I'm getting ready as fast as I can. I didn't even masturbate in the shower.
My phone autocorrected your name to "grownup." that couldn't be more inaccurate. I'm getting a new phone.
The "don't have sex with him again" alerts you set on my phone just started going off.
Good. "Seriously, don't do it" should start in about five minutes.
I know I'm high, but the dude in target definitely just told me that it's best to walk through every door in life like you're a t-rex....
Some guys phone started vibrating on the tv. I answered mine. That's how high I am.
I can't sleep. Send Llama pictures.
There's no triumph quite like finally banging your high school boyfriend 6 years later
i believe in u and ur pee
I was the only one in group sessions to bring up sex as a stress reliever. Some of those people were awfully judgy despite the fact we were all in a psych ward.
i woke up with blood and cuts on my face and i don't remember anything after winning four games of beer pong in a row last night. and i'm still drunk.
you are a true champion. bear my children.
Randomize
