I have to look really hot tonight because my personality is going to suck.
he just watched a baby story on tlc while high and just called me screaming he never wants me to get pregnant
then he said we can't have sex anymore because ill hate him.
i had a dream last night that my liver tore its self out of my body and ran away.
she's laying in my bed with an ice pack on her vagina. how do you think it went?
she chased the tour bus screaming I BET YOUR DICK IS THE SIZE OF YOUR MICROPHONE STAND. i think its safe to say were never getting vip passes again.
So just to get a feel for things...how prone are you to male Amish strippers...
Now that you're back together are you gonna tell him you set his stuff on fire?
Currently in the bathroom stall of a gay bar in new haven giving myself an anti throw up pep talk
Have you ever noticed that the cities in car commercials look really futuristic?
...did you eat that brownie?
So it turns out that my mom and her dad used to hook up when they were our age
Never been so glad that I look so much like my dad that there's no question as to my paternity
He put his burrito in the bag with his dildo.
Note to Self: Never again eat a weed brownie by yourself two hours before a tornado warning in your exact location.
I'm just going to take a nap and hope I wake up more attractive.
I really need to get a comfy set of masturbating shoes
hotelroom bed is big enough to masturbate in, but small enough to not want to sleep in it after you've masturbated in it
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