He came in the heat vent in my car. Don't ask how it happened.
I drunk wandered into my parents bed and slept between them
we found her in my closet eating a clove of garlic.
gave him road head on the way to his grandparents house. purposely didn't let him finish, the sexual tension over turkey was indescribable.
she asked him to cuddle cuz she was cold and instead he got up, moved the space heater to her side of the bed, and went back to sleep
thats why a responsible adult always keeps some facial hair just in case they need to shave a hulk hogan mustache for midget wrestling...
It's like a challenge who can be the biggest embarrassment to the family. I win 80% of the time.
She sucks. And I almost hooked up with a clown last night
New drink: empty coke can vodka water maple syrup. Get on my level
I can't help you right now because I'm shaving my feet...like a lady.
Just please try not to piss Danny off, I really can't afford to find a new drug dealer again
Blowing a married man is so much more important than a 12 year olds basketball game.
No,she came up with a new game: "Where is the most interesting place I can show Drew my asshole?"
I never truly understood the phrase ball is life until I started having to balance NBA finals and all these men with balls i'd like to handle.
I really appreciate you taking the time to blur out my excessive boob cleavage for instagram
Randomize
