please tell me I'm in your upstairs bedroom. Just google mapped myself and I have no idea where I am.
Facebook is asking me which Pokemon I'd be. Is there one whose only moves are gay sex and reading Adrienne Rich?
She forced me to throw up so it would "rejuvenate" me. It worked and then we took six more shots and did a keg stand. You know what I call that? Friendship.
so...he totally just used scissors to cut up the weed. a wet paper towel to moisten the blunt....and a blow dryer so it wouldn't be wet. this dude either has the worst case of OCD or has the potential to be the next martha stewart.
I'm pretty sure we organized our beer pong teams according to who's been circumsized...
You stuck a chicken finger in that stripper's clevage and said "Keep this warm for me.
Get your ass over here, we're drinking Patron and watching My Little Pony. Patron and Ponies, do you copy?!
I woke up spooning with a broom that someone taped a mustache too..i need to stop starting my nights by drinking "hangover" wine.
I feel like the way you told me you weren't pregnant was pretty anticlimactic.
Lost my virginity dressed as catwoman. He was dressed as batman. Glad I waited.
I just sat on the floor of my shower for 20 minutes to punish myself for drunk me's decisions.
I just bout myself an edible arrangement for myself and had it delivered to work. I even wrote myself a note. This is a new low for me.
sex on acid sucks though, i want to connect with the universe not your dick.
In other news I was masturbating last night and came really fucking hard to the thought of yelling at a customer....
On cleanup... i've counted 94 solo cups so far.. oh, and i found a miniature top hat in the microwave
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