I really liked your hair last night but that style makes it really hard to hold it while you puke
When are you freeeeeeeeee?
My phone auto corrected that to freeeeeeeeeedoooooooooom. That's kinda awesome.
woke up and she was making me crepes. definitely not the last time i fuck a culinary student
She's dressed as a slutty Dalmatian. I doubt she has morals.
I have sand in every orifice, there are bruises everywhere, and I smell like a distillery. I love summer.
There's a questionable stain on Harley's bed...would they have sex on a dog bed?
Were making Christian mingle accounts. First one to get laid doesn't pay bar tabs for a month.
Challenge accepted. See you in hell.
I have a rage boner right now. An actual erection brought on by the amount of sheer hatred I have towards nationwide.
I shit you not. I was sitting on Brian's balcony...still drunk from the night before, and a hummingbird flew onto the patio, stared me right in the face and flew away. I feel like it was God's way of telling me, "Stop drinking."
for real. if he messaged me that i'd have made his penis cower in a corner.
This is ridiculous. I’m in fucking college getting high off a potato.
My favorite part of you downing a fifth of fireball in my apartment by yourself is the shot glass in the sink. It's like you attempted moderation and were just like "Fuck this."
I ended up snorting coke while wearing a Bavarian dress and I feel like I need to reevaluate my life
just ran into my father at CVS while buying condoms...he winked at me. I really need to move out of this town.
I got there and she was on her balcony drinking out of a bottle of vodka and smoking a cigar.
Randomize
