Everything went well, until I walked into his bedroom and there was a Ronald Reagan poster watching over his bed - creepy
Crying babies in a bar. Really?
And she just changed the baby's diaper on the table. It's killing the beer garden.
I am in shape. i keep telling you that.
Round is not "in shape," it's "a shape."
she's not going to take you seriously with an empty 40 and a sombrero on your head.
did i really just refer to you as "the mid season replacement"
Totally passed out on the dealers bed after paying him all in ones so no, i dont think i'll be getting a discount soon.
I was riding him and in the middle he literally said "fuck yeah, Amy Winehouse"
man my uterus needs to drop the egg or GTFO, BUUUSHIT
YO CONGRATULATIONS ON YOUR MÉNAGE À TROIS. YOU GO, GLENN COCO
They put me in room 420 every time and I take bubble baths and smoke in the room and they bring food TO MY BED
masturbating on the freeway is more stressful than it sounds
listen I need taco bell and an orgasm within the next hour. I'll leave the order in which you provide those things up to you
How do I say "I want to suck your balls" in a classy but sexy way,
I AM SMARTER THAN EVERY FUCKBOY WHO HAS EVER SWIPED LEFT ON ME
Ok so I need a recap of last night...
YOU SPENT SIX DOLLARS AT NICKEL BEER NIGHT!!! How's that
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