Why did you send me a picture of a dick?
It was an accident sry. Not mine tho.
I look like Roseanne just got in a bar fight with Rosie O'Donnell.
Tittie bar + Mother In law gone = mission accomplished.
we have officially mastered the walk of shame
they made me velveta mac and cheese and fish. I wanna stay here the rest of my life
It's amazing how many friends she makes simply by carrying that flask of whiskey everywhere she goes.
I'm such a fucking super-fan. I was worried his cum would wash away his autograph.
Went to 3 separate liquor stores today and I just made a huge tray of jello shots. This will be the Thanksgiving that puts all the others to shame.
I took my exam the next day still drunk and failed, but I kno for a fact that I filled in the bubbles for my name perfectly
if you had such a terrible roommate you would understand. jacking off in his conditioner is just the start.
Halloween night fail: My boob sweat from keeping my phone in my bra caused the front screen to stop working from water damage.
Plan B, arranged marriage to a rich Indian, is rapidly becoming Plan A. Fuck Finals.
I definitely don't remember licking the drag queens boob.
WE HAD GREAT SEX AND I HATE MYSELF FOR IT
He's ready to settle down, whereas I'm like "More shots please"
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