and then I told her I was too drunk. She started to cry, and told me this always happens to her and that she thinks shes ugly. I pretended I was asleep and then she farted.
Just saw actual Chinese people doing a Chinese firedrill. Good day.
So, right as I'm cumming, I pull out and go "PYEW PYEW" like Star Wars lasers. Best part is, I missed her completely.
It was good sex. She was screaming so much I didn't know whether or not my name was Matt or God.
Whoever was the last to get in from the chinese firedrill had to pay the dealer.
Confidence is key. All I had to tell him is I'm drinking a bottle of wine and eating chocolate today to celebrate that I love myself. That's how you get a Valentine, my friend.
i ended up playing naked naked monopoly and hangman with my dealer. i really love my life.
I'm hiding in a cabinet. I'm going to stay here.
You were spooning an empty magnum of white wine in the middle of the bed so I slept on the couch
Well at least there's no more confusion about your place in my life. Wine > pizza > your dick > the rest of you.
Love you...
Btw his name is Woody. I must be really drunk to think this is a good situation
You sent me a snapchat of you hugging a beer with the caption "best friend"
Dude I was tripping acid when she was crying and I literally couldn't defend myself
pls come tAke this super bath no romo it's just. so nice.
He makes bad life choices and drives a wagon, how is that not my type?
He has the fingertips of a God
Randomize
