there is just no excuse for touching your mothers vagina.
"Hung over, tired and having a faint scent of some body butter and random pieces of glitter from a girl named gigi, almost arrested in drug bust, $40 Canadian in my pocket and all i got was this lousy Tshirt" shirts dont exist, but they need to
please tell me you didn't have sex with him in the bathroom...
Does an alley count?
I heard from anne today. She has a broken collarbone and is knocked up. Apparently florida is awesome
I need you to do me a favor and hide my sword from me tonight. I'm planning on drinking my weight in vodka and I don't trust myself enough to not run through campus screaming "I AM SPARTA!" You'll be saving me a mugshot as well as saving some innocent girls from tears.
He just had a handle of vodka with ice in it yelling at people hot august night mother fuckaaaaa and was pouring it on his face
You wanted to thank my penis. You wanted me to take the condom off so you could touch it and thank it.
He's def the type to chop us into bits whilst screaming "NAPA BITCH". AKA my type
Seriously. We gorilla glued our hands together. Eating pizza last night was impossible.
That idiot. I'll see him on campus and he'll try and touch me like we're friends or some shit. 1.you're ugly 2. You dropped the blunt in the pool
STOP SETTING ME UP WITH GUYS YOU MEET ON CRAIGSLIST
Talking to him sober hurts my brain
Our friendship just got weirder. He snapchated me the porn he was watching.
I started crying during a meeting at work and now I'm sitting on my couch drinking boxed wine at 1:30 in the afternoon. Fuck you too estrogen.
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
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