hi brent please bring bad word music cd must most bad word please brent bring cd music bad word please brent bring cd music bad word
I feel like I've been hit by a train. I woke up this morning covered in wine, free condoms, and a sign language dictionary.
I am coming home for anal
* a nap*
If you're on a tempurpedic mattress do you think you can feel if someone is jacking off right next to you?
and you tried to get a free burrito from Potbelly's
If your pregnant with his baby maybe we can start getting weed for free.
He just gave a drunken 7 minute speech on how to make the perfect grilled cheese. he explained types of butter and cheeses....i think i love him
Sorry I fell asleep again. I'm in the shower now. Door is unlocked. Condoms are in my desk. I want your game face on for when I get out.
I feel like butter and tequila would be excellent combination. Right now. Please do this in my name.
God and karma are having a fucking field day with my body today.
I climbed up on the tank of the toilet so I could take a slo-mo vid of myself pissing into the garbage can, but the base of the toilet shattered and I had to bail.
The groom's brother was an accomplishment. Then I remembered he was also the officiant. Check and check.
His face matches his life choices. Both are train wrecks.
So was it everything you dreamed it would be
I puked.
Twice.
So is that a yes?
i just want a beer and a blow job. is that so much to ask?
and i just want a ring so i can stop faking it. is that?
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