Ok seriously, can we bring back badminton?
Honestly dude, i think you should ignore the restraining order if you really love her.
I was so high that i was talking shit about a girl I was with via text, and I handed the phone to her so she could type the shit I was trying to say.
nothing like morning wood sex at 4pm. funemployment ftw
She's lying on the sidewalk wailing that she is gonna die alone, with hundreds of strangers watching us, and also we lost Kate, . Please help me
I never thought I'd say this, but there is a life threatening amount of rumpleminz in our freezer
He's a forty-something balding gay man with no boundaries or sense of social norms. Of course we should befriend him.
If our text convos ever saw the light of day lives would be in tatters
I think your high point was when the quesadilla was in your mouth and you were screaming "I can't chew!" and the Taco Bell guy just kinda stared at you like he wanted to strangle.
I sang him a lovely rendition of 'So Long and Thanks For All the Fish", but replaced fish with dick.
I'm drunk from drinking bourbon out of a "cupcake sippy cup" at the Denny's bar. What the fuck happened to the goals I had?
Some girl is sitting topless in the kitchen and having a Skype video chat with some guy. I already like it here.
pray to the hookup gods
I will 100% jerk off using my own tears as lube before I'd ever bang a 4.
my mom just came into my room and handed me a news paper article about women on the verge of a drinking problem... i can already tell its not about to be sunday funday
Randomize
