im learning from these one night stands last time i came in her this time i came on her AND deleted every contact in her phone!
I'm pretty sure he came before I knew he was inside me.. Didn't think that was his plan when he said he was gonna do things I've never experienced before
well when i got there she was attempting to stick the cat in her mouth.. so maybe you should go check on her
I am standing at the lion i publicly humped last night. i am mortified.
Good thing it was his birthday because I accidentally grabbed his dick at the bar. A lot.
Had a student tell me he misses the old Four Loko. He's in 7th grade. No one is allowed to claim I started drinking too young ever again.
His penis will pick the quickest route to vagina. it's like an biological onstar.
I love flavors. My neighbour is owide smoking and so am I. I'm adio boooooored and I need an adult.
So were u tired or drunk when u wrote last night's text message?
pills.
I danced with this guy last night, I left like I was humped by a blind baby kangaroo trying to body-box.
How many other adults do you think have slept naked under the Winnie the Pooh blanket sober?
I hat to flip my "days since last bad decision" chart back to zero. So...yeah. Sigh.
I found a video on my phone from last night... You got up on the table at McDonald's and screamed BURRITOOO!
Currently sifting through all the dick pics and nudes for a picture of my dad and I to post on social media for Father's Day...
you were just in my dream and you looked at me and said "Christmas is cold." I think you're wasted even in my dreams.
You know your life has gone off the rails when waking up in a Spanish hospital with alcohol poisoning and no memory of how you got there is not even your top wildest drinking story.
Randomize
