I just wiped my vajayjay with snow. Bad idea.
i was considerably less excited after they told me my present didnt have a penis
We're doing the donut challenge later. How many can we fit on his erect penis. Needless to say we get along well.
Hey, I can't get ahold of Tommy. Let him know his ex-girlfriend is pregnant.
He was supposed to take me to a nice dinner, but istead all he did was get drunk and throw lit fireworks at me.
I saw him coke blaxckout on the subway at 9 this morning yelling at people callig himself the gatekeeper.
Well I found you sipping ron diaz out of a child's dinosaur cup while sticking your fingers in the guy's fish tank and watching the "pirahnas" snap at your finger and laughing
Can we promise no matter what that we have sex the night the Mayan calendar runs out?
Hey ER girl, its the EMT you beat at blowjobs shots last night.
That is the scariest sentence I have ever read.
I'm petting the cat while shitting. This is all I ever wanted
Ever walked into a basement full of 10 guys jerking it to a live stripper? Cause I have. Always confirm the address of a house party. Always.
dude I just found tht weird ass guy u invited last night passed out in my closet.... apparently he "couldn't find the exit"
we had sex while we waited for the thai food... a which will come first type of situation
Chili is not acceptable fuck buddy food.
Verdict: uncircumcised.
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