Somedays I wish I were a bird. Then people wouldn't be so grossed out when I vomit
Real housewives of new joisy starts MONDAY. Skype session after? Virtual slap the bag?
I'm drinking rum and coke straight from the 2 liter bottle.
Alosmot hir two of of mt mailanoxwa
Oh Jesus.
Waking up next to a 3 inch puddle of water in my kitchen with a bathing suit on...what the fuck went on lastnight
He's not actually Jewish. Turns out he just wears the yarmulke to cover his bald spot.
Also, no joke, I think that raccoon hair is still in my eye from last night.
Not good... He ate my chips. Thats not a sex analogy for anything. My actual potato chips... gone. I lost on both ends.
Lets watch game of thrones and have sex every time someone is naked. It'll be like a drinking game but better.
Her tutu was on the floor and she wouldn't take off her crown. She kept saying you're fucking a princess!
If I had feelings, you would have hurt them.
You did a cartwheel, it was terrible.
I remember that cartwheel, it was okay.
Pretty sure if we keep hanging out on Tuesdays there will be no whiskey left for the younger generations or the universe will implode....tomato tahmato
If I knew the person sucking my dick didn't say thank you for their Christmas presents I wouldn't be able to cum.
The cat's telling me to stop taking acid, and to start doing the lords work. I'm almost 99% sure he's talking about the dark lord.
THIS CAT'S GOING TO TURN INTO A SNAKE AND KILL ME! GET OVER HERE NOW! BRING YOUR WAND.
Randomize