foreplay: 7 minutes. sex: 3 minutes. cuddling: 10 minutes. getting dressed: 5 minutes. commute: 5 minutes.
I just spit my fake tooth out at a customer. I think he thought it was my bubble gum though so it's ok.
we hooked up on one of my student's desks last night...i can't decide if i'm ashamed or massively proud of myself
dude you teach first grade wtf
As a matter of fact you told me i fulfilled your "woodshop teacher fantasy"
I just got kidnapped by the rugby team for a scavenger hunt. I'm "the girl you had sex with last night"
I'm at work, and just realized I the beer smell I keep getting random whiffs of is my bra. I fail at life.
am i gonna have visuals on this?
you are gonna see the trees puking up fireworks and ninja pheonixes will shit rainbows and fire
I think the guy I was trying to dance with was an undercover cop...
Yeah i was handcuffed to the bed all night but i actually slept like a baby
He said he wanted to start giving out "sex souvenirs". I got a poster with a penguin on it.
I know I don't have feelings for him because I feel completely ashamed every time after we have sex
You could sing the national anthem right before we have sex. Make it feel like a sporting event
I can already feel the hangover I'll be having on New Year's Day. I don't know if I'm prepared for this.
The taste of regret at 8am, yup that taste is Jack Daniel's
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
Randomize