Sorry I thought I was a lizard earlier.
I'm not crazy, I only keep calling you cause you won't pick up.
girl in front of me in lecture is looking up on ask.com about chlamydia.
I'm a fake celebrity on twitter. I need a life.
i purposely bought her a small sweater. My way of saying, you've gotten fat.
I'm thinking of writing "I have herpes" on my stomach in sharpie that way I'm not tempted to show my tits tonight
I woke up tied to the door handle with reindeer patterned socks. You can tell it's Christmas.
Turned out not to be so bad. He had a big dick and i owed him for all the free beer over the year.
Just had to throw up on the floor of my car during traffic on the way to work. Car next to me saw both times. Found the downside to having a job right after graduation.
So if a girl goes for it you're gonna stop her and tell her you gave up ejaculation for lent?
I'm really glad I had vomit on my sweater when I met his sister.
If anything I look like a soccor mom going out for her annual ladies night. Trying hard, but not quite in her twenty's anymore.
This drink tastes like mosquito repellent.
I am coming home with the worst sun burn of my life, two unused condoms, and an unworn slutty dress. Worst. Bachelorette. Party. Ever.
All I can taste is Pickle Juice and Cocaine.
Randomize
