At lowes after workin outside. Kid behind me says "mommy that man smells like a taco" yes she was talking about me.
its 9am and we're in an escalade. I have no shoes and my dress is on backwards. I feel like we're the morning after a rap video
We couldn't even have sex we were both laughing so hard. I don't know how I feel about the quality of that weed.
He tried to carry her to her room after she passed out, but when he picked her up she came back to, saw him, screamed rape and pulled out her vuvuzela app and blasting it like a rape whistle.
He's been grabbing my ass as a greeting since 2004, sex was overdue
i love being in ibiza. their hotels are much more receptive to walking around naked in the lobby than our american ones.
he made a joke about you fucking his daughter...i think youre golden
Looking at an apartment in Houston. It's right beside my favorite bar and the zoo. Best or worst decision?
The only image of you you know is from reflections or pictures. Its 2d. But what other people see is 3d. How do you know that's your real face! MIND.BLOWN.
So I've discovered that being hungover at 25 feels the same as being hungover at 24. Happy Birthday to me.
Today is the day I die from a hangover. I love you, mom. Farewell.
She said I can't embarrass her, the challenge has been set
Did you see her happy birthday to emily on facebook? The gist of it is like: hey emily you almost died at birth im glad you didn't. love mom.
He kept apologizing that the nerve damage makes him take a while to finish. Meanwhile he gave me 3 orgasms and a leg cramp
Only you could benefit from a reckless driver
I mean she's doing calculus in her head to prove how NOT drunk she is.
Randomize
