I'm at a bar that has girls so awful looking even you would not have sex with them.
Well... I doubt that.
Why did I wake up this morning with 10 tally marks on my hand and a penis drawn on my tits?
i'm pretty sure god just pointed at me and laughed
Changed my sheets. Found a can of rockstar, crushed bag of tostitos, used tissues, and enough of both of our clothes to make a whole outfit.
He's the equivalent of a body pillow and a dildo. But still funny. We have good pillow talk.
I just got a flashback from Saturday night of you helping me wash my feet in the bar's bathroom.
if by "adventure" you actually mean "getting ridiculously high and shaving our legs," then yes.
Plans for halloween need to outrank Caesar, Cleopatra and Mark Antony's threesome...just saying
also, add "teaching boys to sext" to my charity work
Just played slippy cup. Flip cup plus slip n slide. What did you do with your fourth of july?
But in the grand scheme of things, "should i bang a hot roommate or a sexy giant" is really not a bad lot in life
Oh no. Did you guys fuck on my pull out couch?
I'm getting paid over-time to sit on reddit and look at dicks and abs all day. I'm really happy right now.
Listen, I bought the coke that got us those free drinks, okay? Show some respect.
Youre saying I should leave him? Have you seen the dating pool these days? It's terrifying, and in the capital region it's straight Norman Bates
Randomize
