I have so many mobile devices now, I only use my laptop for porn.
Is there any way to un-invite somebody to a wedding? I just checked out the other family, and I can't have a cockblock there.
my mom sold the house because of the grow room the couple saw i had in the basement.
I knew it was going to be a good night when i heard another girl call his dick "Thor's Hammer"
Currently in the bathroom stall of a gay bar in new haven giving myself an anti throw up pep talk
In a strange taxi 3059. Battery dying I'm dying. Bye.
Jake bring pizza.
JAKE BRING PIZZA.
So me and him are making out, and the other two are on the couch behind us. he randomly stops kissing me and goes "oh god I think she just took off her shirt" I look behind me and I see her tits flapping up and down. This man has amazing senses..
We really shouldn't need this many nicknames for the women you've had sex with.
Man, that hitchhiker cursed me.
Please don't bang more than two exes at a time, just so I won't get confused.
I should not be able to sum up my life with a taco brand motto...
National tequila day this year falls on a Monday. I've never been more disappointed in my life.
This is the best 30th birthday ever. In a Motel 6 drinking a shower beer and sending slow-mo dick helicopter videos to you.
He asked me how many starwars references he could make before i no longer find him attractive.
Randomize
