I just watched a guy get turned down by a prostitute
weak ass sauce last night. waste of time. you suck. ps. your boobs are fake
You totally left a blue butt print on our banister
Well I think we can all agree that that's better than then bowl of puke I left last time.
she laid there and continued moaning loudly for like 10 minutes after we were done, just so that her mom would be jealous
You probably don't remember. You were drunk and getting your tits drummed on like haitian bongos in a voodoo ritual.
No it's cool, He's been doing my English papers in exchange for lap dances since the eleventh grade. We're very professional.
Why is there a slipper full of piss in my bedroom?
The bottle brush for the bong worked really well to clean the brownies out of the waffle maker.
I wasn't even hungover I was just mourning my dignity
I don't need inspirational quotes. If I'm going to be motivated, it will be by anger and spite.
The single life is the freaking dream dude. I'm sitting here naked, eating chocolate mousse, and watching Gilmore girls. It's wonderful
Dude, I'm at a wedding and there's a mashed potato bar and bacon strip appetizers. I'm getting all emotional.
I am talking to a naked lesbian about robots. I think this means I win life.
you asked me how to turn on the ladder
last night i was way too drunk and i was forcing people to let me tell them about mammals
Randomize