Sometimes he's such a bitch I forget that he's not actually a girl. Last night I asked him if I could borrow a tampon.
He had some in his pocket. That was weird.
quit making up holidays to get me to go drinking with you
We're watching a video in class about cheese. The scoring for it sounds like that of a Lifetime movie. My mind is creative. I've continued my own story in my head of a wheel of cheese that was raped and murdered. It's so sad. I hope they get the guy. Btw, the video is about marketing.
She was so morning drunk she asked the lady at brueggers for a bandaid and my self respect back
We had to go to his parents last night for dinner & ended up having a quickie in the bathroom while everyone else was outside smoking.. This is why we have a successful marriage.
Will the fact that I have 4 boob hickies add to or take away from tonight's outfit?
dude, you declined head because you wanted to tell her about how you put cinnamon in your weed. also, we're low on Chef Boyardee
He had an extremely smooth butt for a man with such rough hands.
I just rolled a blunt and took my bra off. I'm not going anywhere.
man fuck you i am a delight. you're the one who fucking set his tree on fire while high
Let it be known that on this day, the 26th of October, in the year 2016, I successfully put both of his balls in my mouth at once.
I miss my bedroom and my bed and being able to spray myself with my choice of 15 different perfumes so I don't have to wake up to the smell of my past sins
Seeing someone hit Themselves in the balls with someone else's hand is amazing. I love being the sober one
Accidentally made a bowl of macaroni and cheese with a bottle of vodka. It's not that bad
wish he had known he had poison ivy on his cock beforehand... Is calamine okay to put on your vag?..
Randomize
