Saved 180 Bucks tonight. Pulled my own tooth. More money to party with.
By the way, your roommate is right. His penis is much bigger than yours.
And then. You beer bonged 3 tall boys. In a row. Fell into some kids lap. And pulled down my shirt trying to get up. Thank you for that. I got laid
Just pull your dick out and wink at her, its a game changing play
Did you just reference Ludacris during my possible pregnancy scare of 2012?!
I'm in a waiting room at the hospital - and there's a dude here who is WAY too proud of his urine sample.
He crawled outside into the bushes to throw up. He's just laying there now but he says he'll be ready to come home if we just give him five
My alarm went off and I went straight for your dick. That's dedication.
Best ethics paper a stoner could write. I called my professor Dr. Superfly Arandia. And I'm pretty sure I used "respect the hustle" somewhere in there too.
in other news i got caramel vodka poured on me. upside, i smell amazing
THE SUPER HOT BARTENDER WHO LOOKS LIKE RYAN GOSLING JUST WALKED IN. BUT HE DOESNT EVEN WALK HE GLIDES. LIKE AN ANGEL.
You need to stop leading guys on at bars - you're a lesbian.
And now I'm a lesbian with better self-esteem.
I just want to feed you taquitos and play with your boner and live happily ever after
Look get the dick out ur mouth and answer the phone
How early is too early to start day drinking? Asking for a friend
About five minutes ago. You’re good now.
Randomize
