so i just googled the prescription for aldara i saw on your desk this morning...
It must have been true love
I don't call true love eating a bag of doritos and then going down on each other
I told her I had to go to work this morning, got fully dressed in a suit, walked her out, drove around the block, parked, and walked right back in my apt and went back to sleep..
Just got a lapdance on the metro. She said she was on maternity leave and needed the practice.
I could feel myself puking on my feet but it was so warm i didnt even care.
What are you doing? Did I punch you in the face last night?
It felt like he was juggling my kidneys with the head of his penis... If you could even call it that, it was more like a lochness monster. Huge and mythical.
Because of him my new motto is "Keep calm and fuck a guy with a beard". Yes, I am serious.
Wearing a shark mask, slugging tequilla, in cowboy boots, and not minding that my spandex is on backwards. What are you up to?
From one hot mess to another... Get it together.
Well, I just bought plan b with the tips I made from the job that I slept with my manager. So yeah, that's my life. How's yours?
With gravity the way it is and your butt clearly being the size of a bus you'd break your hip or something
It's really hard to masturbate now that I live with girls who actually function before 11 am.
Can't we just go back to fucking and having your boyfriend think you're completely straight?
wow wtf man i was the friend bailing you out of jail with 500 cash and you didnt have the common courtesy of waking me up for class when i passed out drunk and naked in the bath tub
Randomize
