You know I'm really starting to enjoy being everyones first gay experience
as if moving home wasnt embarassing enough, mom picked up my laundry while i was gone. guess who needs to find a new hiding spot for his cum towel..this guy.
dude last night I threw my weed into my back yard. there is now a foot of snow. after an hour I found my weed. if I put that effort into school, i'd have a 4.0.
It is 8 o'clock in the morning and there is already blood all over one of the stalls in the bathroom. What has your St. Patrick's day done for you?
i think i had a heart attack, prayed, and jizzed my pants.all at once.
you said candy land and then passed out.
ps. we found your stash in the candyland game. Thanks.
He was trying to hotbox the banana suit. Of course we traded him for vodka.
they wouldnt let me drive the convertible because i was in a bird suit :(
Would it be wildly inappropriate for me to tailgate a Jonas brothers concert?
I would totes reciprocate the nip pic, but I'm sick with a piece of tissue shoved up one of my nostrils and I'm just not feeling that ambitious. Sorry.
It’s like a buffet of marriages! Every option is available to you!
He said he wanted to lick the breadcrumbs off my chest
I knew it was Christmas when someone handed me a stocking filled with airplane bottles. Ps just woke up 3 days later
Listening to The Little Mermaid soundtrack should cure my drunkeness right?
i'm high and self actualising, please send help
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