I keep trying to leave, but for some reason I'm staying
i found literally half of a double sided dildo in my shower. i guess someone went home happy.
Professor used "ROFL" while grading my paper... Do I even go to a real college?
He spent the whole night convincing me I wasn't fat, but after we had sex he said "Oh, I see what you mean"
My mom just asked me if I was gay in front of my gf
Just think about it this way, every time you work Sunday, it's another $75 and that equals another hooker when we go to Amsterdam.
woke up laying on an empty pizza box and some guy was doing blow off my butt...i guess i should thank you.
I'll probably regret it tomorrow. But right now, accepting this $2000 credit card so that I can finance booty calls from across the united states sounds like a golden idea.
It's one of those nights that you wish to god someone would booty call you, and then realize you'll just be stuck here with your poptart...
IF I CAN STICK YOUR DICK IN MY MOUTH, I CAN STICK MY GUM ON YOUR NIGHTSTAND.
One good thing out of all this is her ass is huge. Like Australia Big.
Well. No wine. And no real mixers. I'm using vodka and grape juice and calling it Slurrrlot. Happy Holidays bitch.
You know what id love more than anything right now? ..a back rub while eating biscuits and gravy
Went on a blind date. Afterwards I ripped my pants off and said "it's game time". He was into it.
and idk now I have nine bags of lettuce in my fridge
Randomize
