my grandma just informed me that patrick swayze used to babysit my dads cousins why wasn't i informed of this early...like when i was obsessed with dirty dancing!
I'm pissed I'm finding this out at 24 bc i could have used this material to make friends
I could hear his roommate in the background imitating my sex sounds...
you kept shouting how the only tree you would hump is an elm tree because they're under populated
I told him he didn't want "flip-flop extraction" on his medical history.
He kept yelling "osteoporosis" and threw milk at her because she broke her arm.
Just saw my father's penis. Don't know what to say.
You wouldn't let me clean the puke off your face because I'd mess up your cat whiskers. Now that's dedication.
So scratching an ex marines beard, telling him "nice hairy pussy." then when he opens his mouth to respond, I started fingering his mouth. Needless to say was a horrible idea
his basement wasnt heated so when i asked for a hoodie someone gave me a kimono.. i passed bc who the fuck knows where that shit has been recently
If you go to Tinseltown tonight. First bathroom on the left, second stall. Avoid. It's still coming to terms with what I did to it.
She looks like a hot George Washington...I'm going for it
passed out on bart again and decide to bike home. biked thru a goat farm of angry goats, biked on the freeway, got stopped by the cops, and sat shotgun in the squad car while the officer driving got a video on his iphone of his partner riding my bike on the freeway.
i had to call the bar to ask if they found my bowling ball. That good of a night
I was giving him head and he slipped one of those hats with propellors on top on my head.
By the way, you totally deserve "i got a job sex".
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