She is in my trunk
So...AT&T finally added picture messaging for iPhone...bring on the tits!!!
Sorry I didn't wanna double team his sister. Having whiskey dick and watching you get laid didn't sound appealing
Circumcision scars are like fingerprints. I think I'm on to something man.
I'm over this relationship. I'm just going to get drunk all day, wake up in a puddle of my own vomit again, and go on with my life
he's gonorrhea incarnate
Ten minute nap on a staircase honey badger don't care
I love you. Mom got to wasted at the wedding that she threw up on my shirt.
Welp, dad and I drunkenly sang Christmas carols until the police told us to stop. I vote Xmas eve a success
Drinking a pint every 8 mins right now. Power hour aint shit.
Good luck
Trying doe a second hour and I.cant open my eyes
i don't find him as attractive when he's dressed as himself...bring back Indiana jones and I would so fuck him again
girl pulled up to the stop sign, got out, threw up all over my hood said happy thanksgiving then drove off
I woke up with gum stuck to my nipple piercings this morning.. So there's that.
... drunk me broke the coffee table?
STOP TALKING ABOUT YOURSELF IN THE THIRD PERSON. YOU DID THE THING.
I'm all about clean living these days
You started your day with fried chicken and a bloody
... after you woke up in your own urine
As in, legitimately worried. You just sent me a 6 message long text that did not contain any complete words.
Randomize
