My grandpa is talking about laundry and he asked if i could run a "small hot load." Wow. I had to leave the room.
some dude is getting blown right outside the bar in his car. reeediculous
class
he's dribbling her head like he's fucking allen iverson
his penis is like a homeless cat. ever since I've satisfied him he keeps showing up on my doorstep ask for more.
lets just say that i have already today: gotten drunk, got in a fight, got stranded an hour away from home, found a ride, sobered up, and slept. woken back up, and here i am. its been a long day. Day drinking is bad for friendships.
we have to top last new years. except im not ready for jail. that can wait a couple years
We're doing it in the traditional way of discussing why we dislike each other while sharing a bowl. Just like the natives do.
We convinced the Dj to let us play musical chairs...... I won by the way.
Yes, I have your ice luge mold. I'll do a prisoner exchange for the beer bong
My backyard is filled with beer cans. You idiots turned our backyard into a redneck ball-pit
do i respond to the booty call for the guy with the bigger dick or the one who has the gourmet coffee i like so much? at this point i'm leading toward the coffee
Yeah, reverse cow girl. She was on top and I was playing Flappy Bird behind her back. Easiest way to have angry sex.
Had to decide between a hook up at the train restroom or getting to work on time #growingup
You guys I wore sweatpants to work today because I simply forgot to put on real pants and I had a weed brownie and a juice box for breakfast. I am not ready for parenting.
is it bad that I see hot guys I wanna sleep with as challenges instead of actual people?
yes. but it works for you
ARE YOU FUCKING KIDDING ME! I SAID I WANTED SOMEONE CLASSY AND INSTEAD YOU SET ME UP WITH A GUY THAT JUST TOLD ME HIS FAVORITE PLACE TO FUCK IS ON HIS SWAMPBOAT “THE SLAMHOG!”
I DON’T WANT TO FUCK IN A SWAMP
First of all, his AIR boat is named “Slam Hog” not “The Slamhog.” Second, it’s top of the line. Third, don’t dismiss swamp sex before you try it!
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