saw you had $9 in your checking acct, left $20 on your dresser so you won't be a whore this weekend
I'll probably hate you when I'm sober
gonna sleep on the stairs... to drunk to keep going up, way to drunk to go down, gonna find a comfy spot right here... its safer that way
I'm making a conscious effort to limit my spending at the bars...i wrote "FOR CAB ONLY" on a $20 last night
So there's dick imprints in the peanut butter
He asked me If i had cheated on my boyfriend when I said no he said it's like he doesnt know me anymore
Writing a love song to planned parenthood. what rhymes with "don't have AIDS"
what is the most politically correct way to ask if he still hangs out with the guy that has blue hair and make meth in his car?
Just had a thought: were the sirens on when we were in the ambulance?
Just watched a guy puke off his bike. Beyond impressed. He didn't even swerve
we left when one of the guys tried to stick himself with an IV that he found
The annual Father's Day Wake and Bake has been canceled due to lack of hustle.
I didn't think it was possible but he dislocated his thumb during intercourse last night then cried
After my second liter of German beer, nothing D-cup or larger is safe near me.
i had to flash a cab last night.
did it work?
No. he slowed down but then kept going. story of my life.
Randomize
