Eww. Jon Gosselin got both his ears pierced.
He looks like a bad one night stand.
the cop asked for your social security number and you gave her your high school locker combo
So chef boyardee smells exactly the same after you throw it up
i literally discovered the exact same thing last week. i had the lasagna one
ravioli
I like that most of our conversations somehow end in us having sex for the good of our country
I think theres a high possibility i could be flammable.
Last night was the first night with all of the roommates, and what started as a calm night of light drinking got out of hand. There's a girl on my couch wearing only a fanny pack.
How am I?!! The turkey is dry as shit, I'm watching football in low def and there's no beer b/c everyone is in aa. Fuck giving thanks.
I feel like everyone would be happy with that as a present too. "Oh you got me pussy for Christmas?! How'd you know?!"
Pretty sure the girl next to me in Chipotle just came out to her mom.
This girl just texted me asking me to drop her cheese. What the fuck for that mean?
She told me to pick her up in the corner of shame and self-disgust.
of course we called 911. an innocent mans booze was at steak
My mom told me to get it out of my system now bc once I hit 30 it's not acceptable to get "white girl wasted".
EVERYBODY CALM YOUR SHIT
I woke up to a bum peeing outside my window, and he said, "This is embarrassing for you."
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