dear santa what can i do with your candy cane?
Sex don't cost a thang now that you can buy trojans with meal points.
Well we can cross off dogs, dating sites, and real life as ways to help you meet a chick.
we made malted milkshakes. malt as in malt liqour.
Woke up this morning to my mom on the phone with my dad saying, "It's probably just your prostate." Reasons to move out. Go.
I'm sorry. We set two Christmas trees on fire. Also the neighbor's yard. Also ours.
This would be a good time for the don't get drunk and bang a married chick pep talk...
You looked like my 4th grade science fair volcano project when you burped. Told you chugging a 40 would be awesome.
Is percocet and coffee considered a balanced breakfast?
I don't remember much, but my night is dated pre-Jaeger and post-Jaeger. Also, my boss may or may not have tucked me in.
if you ever get a chance to, fuck in a lecture hall. great acoustics. highly recommend it.
From russia with love. But also with chlamydia.
What an age we live in that I can try to pick up a guy by using my phone while I'm taking a shit at work.
most desperate stoner moment might have been when we filled the bong up with pond water
desperate times, desperate measures
I'm totes in the mood to go home and like blindly inhale dangerous amounts of porn
Randomize
