just threw up while drinking by myself. This is all your fault. You here = a good night, You not here = alcoholism
he saw my "i like bacon" magnet on the fridge and i told him how much i love meat, then we started making out
what a beautiful fairy tale
Riddle me this. What had unbelievable sex, and finally understands the meaning that things come better in pairs?
I hate you
There is NOTHING better than watching a child being chased by an ostrich.
because whats more american than sleeping with a westpoint cadet on the 4th of july?
He is offering to pay me back by sending me a dick pic.
.......................................
My thoughts exactly.
She walked in on her brother jacking off and she hasn't been the same since. She's been crying and shaking non-stop. It's been two weeks.
He told her hed rather go bobbing for apples in puke than have sex with her.
Was almost hungover and got scared, skipped hungover, back to hammered. Fuck real life
Partying with them is like having your dick stapled to your left nostril
You were so drunk last night you left the bar to go buy a razor so you could go home with him
It was a great idea until we got stuck in a ditch. We had to call redneck cousin 1
I keep getting congratulated for drinking 2 six packs of mikes hard and winning the Olympic marathon and I don't remember this shit and now my throat is on fire
I gave her two orgasms and then we laid there and she ate jelly beans out of my belly button...that girls a keeper
i woke up on the floor in front of the fireplace and my last google search was "fuck sponges"
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