Sometimes your consistent use of proper punctuation makes me nervous D:
And secondly i just said i'd pay ten dollars to have sex with you
Reason #3 women are better than men: texting and peeing simultaneously. Write THAT in the fucking snow.
I didn't black out, the guy in the Men In Black costume erased my memory
That's why she's the girl with her life together and you're the girl with the penis drawn on your car.
He texted me for a bootycall at 2:00am so I rolled outta bed and shaved my legs but then he decided he wasn't coming over...he lost his bootycall privileges
So when you said you wanted to make a clay replica of my boobs and hang it above your bed you actually meant it?
It took me 6months to figure out that he only had one testicle.
just go where the car takes you. fingers crossed its here with breakfast.
College has taught me that the "best idea" is rarely the fun one.
This is true but you can't really get fired from college
Dude just texted me asking if I could drive 45 mins for a quickie dude use your hand
It's something you'd find in the room outside of Ben Carson's sex dungeon
It wasn't my fault.
You let her suck your neck. Yes it was your fault.
I need dick so bad, I’m dressing sexy for the school pick up line and sports practices to entice a few of the DILFs
Let me know if you need some dick this weekend.
Between the BF being in town, partying at the Side Dick’s house tonight and two Tinder dates tomorrow I’ve got dick to spare!!
Randomize
