honestly, who buys weed with an unemployment check?
you.
oh yeah. preciate
So my boyfriend is on his way over and there is no time to wash the sheets from when I had his roommate over earlier. Put them in the dryer with a damp bounce sheet. Win?
This is a whole new level of slut for you....do they smell ok?
How can he have such a manly penis and baby hands?!
Hurry up and get here I'm judging myself
He thought my hair would soak it up. I HAD TO CUT IT OFF.
I have invented a new game to play on campus. It's called "Mormons or Pledges?" It's fantastic.
I have a strong contender for the new number 1 position for fwb. He met me at the door with pizza and a shot of patron
Now that I've quit blow, I think I'm allergic to my cat....
I blew him while the canoe was sinking...I think of it as the better version of the titanic
You're doing screenings before you set me up again- no child sized dicks allowed.
UPS just delivered me 30lbs of dried cherries... I shouldn't be allowed online when I take painkillers.
Sorry I crashed a riding mower into your garage door. No hard feelings??
I've come to the conclusion that my issue is I'm not fucking a guy with a headboard
Welcome aboard the S.S. struggle. I'll be your captain for today's voyage and Jeremy is your first mate. Just sit back and relax while we navigate the seas of drunken regret. Your forecast for the day is violently hungover with a chance of "shit, that really did happen!"
Flirting with/getting ready to possibly sleep with a married HS classmate and getting added to a bible study group chat within minutes of each other. #Balance
Randomize
