my resolution for 2011 is to fuck him whenever he wants it. this year I'm going above and beyond the call of booty.
I'm standing in line at the liquor store and they're making popcorn.
Its not that I'm getting free haircuts... Its just that she is paying for sex with haircuts...
This is final. The chair stays in the bathroom, we are too old to be puking from the floor, grown ups sit in chairs infront of the toilet to puke.
Or grown ups don't drink themselves into vomiting.
currently pooping in a public restroom while drinking free beer. there has never been a finer line between awesome and depressing.
Also, if you all get arrested i'm coming to laugh at you because i don't have the money for bail.
I just want to fuck you then discuss implications of our existence afterwards. Then Doritos and hot tub.
i had a super strange, mommy/daddy issuestastic, mildly freudian, i-might-as-well-become-a-stripper-now-and-stop-fighting-the-inevitable dream last night :(
He told me that he'd ride his snowmobile from Cincinnati to Toledo in this blizzard just so I could give him head.
I spent the entire party sexting people's significant others for them because they were too drunk to do it themselves. I did quite well too. I should start a business
I want to tell you your future: you're going to be having sex
I just found a piece of dried shredded carrot on my bed
RUDE you're the one missing half a nipple...
IT HEALED AND GREW BACK TO BE A FULL HEALTHY NIPPLE OKAY
My manager caught me going taking a nap in an empty room. Apparently she sleeps there too.
Idk, apparently drinking five Four Loko's and trying to fight a mailbox constitutes disorderly conduct.
Randomize