we are at a mexican restaurant and the tv is playing mexican porn. dad won't stop watching.
hey i know this is weird but does alcohol affect pregnancy tests?
I just followed a trail of feathers and glitter to class. Today better be fucking magical.
i've noticed that whenever i have to ask myself "would i be doing this if i was sober?" the answer is probably no.
I swear I could audibly hear her vagina slam shut when you walked up to hit on her.
Everything is fine now . The coast guard said we just can't take the inflatable trampling out past the break way anymore
currently wearing a football players overly sized underwear. discovered a shot count on my leg. I'm a tank hahahhh
I'm so high I feel like I'm pedaling a bicycle but I'm laying on the couch. My body might be vibrating. I made soup.
He's so urbane and sleek; so aesthetically chiseled, having endless features to offer me whenever I desire.
Are you fucking a guy or a condo building?
I just sat on the floor of my shower for 20 minutes to punish myself for drunk me's decisions.
He finger blasted me like an angel dude
Tell him you want to lick his face. Didn't work for me but might turn out better for you idk
Who the fuck hid 3 Zimas under my pillow?! Icing doesn't count when it's 8am the next morning and everyone's left and you've passed out on your couch. Currently chugging 2 of 3...
A reply to my tweet is getting more likes than mine, the disrespect is real
You literally snort drugs up your nose and you’re questioning the brand of the multivitamin right now?
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