I just found a porn show called cleavagefield. no i am not watching.
ever had your bank call you to verify the 4 seperate bar transactions from the night before? I have
Fact: my bamboo plant has grown 2 & 1/2 inches since I started watering it with bong water
She threw up in my garbage can last night and walked home with it this morning so she could clean it out...
She is dropping it off on the way to the bar at 7.
you made your own hammock out of a towel and duct tape.
I know he gets bloody noses a lot...so that explains all the blood...but I'd say the condoms are definitely from a penis.
just found $310, wrapped in a rubber band, at the bottom of my sock drawer with a note attached stating, "Make it rain".
It's just a matter of time. The ball is in my court. Soon to be in her mouth.
As i lay in bed, clutching my face, i'm starting to believe your dick in my eye story.
Fuck him for salsa, please. I heard its a good recipe.
Just got your message from Saturday. Shove all the kittens down your pants? Really?
I was emotionally compromised.
We can't shop at Hobby Lobby anymore. They don't like Plan B which basically runs through our veins.
I've seen too many dicks in the past week. I can't do it anymore.
Let's just say, I'm pretty sure you're banned from Skype.... like, forever.
It's fucking 2020, I should be able to watch Netflix in the buff while making brownies without you getting preachy about it.
Randomize
