shes about as inviting as chlamydia
You litterally reached into some girls shirt, pulled out her tit and yelled whats up with this guy.
he just stuck his car key in my belly button, made car starting noises and pretended like i was revving my engine?
Listen, I'm 30. If it doesnt involve a super soaker and some chicken wings, you can count me out.
yeah. pants. i need to put pants on. i didn't do that last night. big mistake
I don't know what he sees in her. All I see are horrible pancake nipples
Either I'm losing my touch or ED is running rampant in 20 something men now
dude, I feel like I need to get my gf's roommate a gift. something that says, sorry you walked in on me getting blown. suggestions?
Standards are awful. It's like living in the zombie apocalypse. You can only have sex with certain people
You were such a shitshow...I was just standing in the kitchen eating my toaster strudel and you came in, whispered "you didn't see anything" and led him to the couch
the saddest part is, this is not even the first time i've woken up in a shopping cart with a concussion.
Mixed review. I fucked her in the river, but then we were assaulted by ducks.
Oh fuck, I messaged a Jack Kerouac poem to a girl I'm trying to sleep with last night at 4am.
Remember the bouncer that knocked out Dave and Sam? Apparently his day job is a florist. Uppercut and fresh cut in one package.
Ya know, one would think a restraining order would keep me from fucking my ex.
Randomize