I'm at verizon, the guy asked me why my phone is full of seeds. Deff. Not leaving my phone with you anymore.
It was a rude awakening when I turned on my phone and the first thing I saw was a picture of David's dick with a face on it, I need to stop drinking in his basement...
You told me you were allowed to keep eating butter because it had just passed midnight and you were on the next day's daily fat servings
She spent a lot of time to get her cleavage to look that good. It would be rude not to stare. It shows you are paying attention. Chicks dig that.
I know you're trying to keep the moaning to a minimum but the banging on the wall is totally giving you away
After throwing up, the toothpaste tasted so good. Thank you for not letting me eat it.
Want to get naked in Baltimore this weekend?
Got laid in my rudolph onesie for the second year in a row. New tradition? Absolutely.
Your dick is going to fall off. Be careful or you'll get callouses. A workingman's dick.
Pride is not for the college student young Padawan. Tequila is for the college student.
I need a nap, Harry Potter movies, and dick in this exact order after work.
I just want cinnabon and vodka.
He kept screaming "I am the thunder!" when he was riding me.
He's just been a dick since he set his face on fire. I just wanted to eat a fucking hot dog.
she squeaked mid orgaism. I laughed she cried
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