I just got invited to go home with a married couple...
Bars not open yet, I feel like a desperate alcoholic wandering around outside.
Dude, they are shaking the RV, yell at them. It feels like i'm being rocked to sleep, I don't like it, I'm not a baby.
Oh man. Realized I was high when I realized how long I'd been watching Roseanne
I am literally the only girl who can black out and wake up pantsless and STILL be 99% sure I didn't get any.
Ugh he's texting me.
Tell him you're no longer interested in what he has to offer; his shitty personality outweighs his sexual prowess.
are you still mad that doritos made their way into my sex life
.....a litte
Such a good question, let's ask the alcohol gods for the answer.
Seriously. We gorilla glued our hands together. Eating pizza last night was impossible.
Celebrating landing my dream job by watching zombie movies and drinking free booze in the bath. I'm like 90% sure I just won life.
This is the drunkest I've ever been at a chili's
She was from Wisconsin, she had great boobs... I mean... It's a dairy state....
I'm just going to take a nap and hope I wake up more attractive.
"WHAT IS THIS LESBIAN MADNESS"
I woke up with pitch black feet and crushed doritos around my mouth. That's how I determined how my night went
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