so i havent checked yet but im almost positive that my left ass cheek is bruised. any idea what happened last night.
what the fuck man? i was JUST texting you the same thing. FUCK
Sarah Palin is going to have a show on the discovery channel...Can I get a moment of silence for knowledge?
He literally didn't stop until I lost count of how many times he made me orgasm. It took three hours.
The preggo girl brought her pet chipmunk to class today. fyi.
it tasted disgusting. but i pretty much drank it in the name of science, and free alcohol
I dont think he stole the pillow. I mean if he wanted a souvenir, my thong was on the nightstand.
Its official, drinking for 15 hours counts as a suicide attempt
Am I undercharging for one hour of sex per essay? I need a serious business answer.
Santa was walking around downtown handing out stuff at the bars. He gave me a free eyebrow wax. I think he's trying to tell me something
Look, opening a Guinness with a steak knife and nearly cutting your finger off to make another carbomb is always a good idea.
WHAT THE FUCK JASON, WHY IS THERE A FREE BLOW JOBS BY LISA SIGN IN MY FRONT LAWN WITH MY PHONE NUMBER ON IT?! PEOPLE ARE PULLING INTO MY DRIVEWAY!
8===D
That's the bat signal to come over and fuck me.
You, me, naked, mistletoe, fifth of jack, gallon of lube, condoms, Cheetos, handcuffs, rope, along with no morals, inhibition or judgment. That's all I want for Christmas.
If you hear a loud thud and smell ozone, I may have been electrocuted.
Came up to an intersection and someone was blasting My Chemical Romance at like 9 AM. They're DEFINITELY having a good day
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