ok shes still asleep, should i pee on her and say she did it herself? and by the time you respond to this ill probably have already made the decision
we ike ciroccccc we love patroneeeee shost shothosthsothosthostsssss veryboyddddyyyy
go home
They're here. One showed up as a slutty Crayola, and I think the other came as The Fat Friend.
Found out that no one else got Christmas bonuses...and you said nothing good could come from sleeping with my boss.
So the bros are yelling at another bro to get that dildo off the roof. And there is indeed a dildo looking object on the roof.
My mom and dad are smoking a joint while lecturing me on what to bring and how to act in Europe. I'll finish this glass of wine and head over.
Apparently I walked up to him, mumbled something incoherently, then started to make out with him. Why does this always happen.
Every girl my sister has brought home from college I've had sex with, check and mate motherfucker
I'm drinking straight vodka and railing lines of adderall while writing a paper about the nature of Jesus. It's 6:50 in the morning. College.
I'm not leaving my family to go to a strip club on good friday.
I'm at a gyno in Japan. Safe to say every possible rule of etiquette is about to be broken. Buckle up, motherfuckers.
And now whenever I see a documentary about dolphins, I think about sex, which is super weird
YO CONGRATULATIONS ON YOUR MÉNAGE À TROIS. YOU GO, GLENN COCO
Why were you doing tequila shots out of Boston Pizza dip containers?
He's throwing Skittles into my cleavage and some are rebounding into my crouch.
Well he's scoring either way then.
Randomize
