I just experienced a full blown christian wedding. I am SO GLAD YOUR WEDDING WASNT THIS.
Dude. No way. She insults the term butterface. She's a butternothing.
In my drunkeness I was planning how to throw up without my parents hearing. I was gonna go for a "run" and just throw up outside.
You act as if I'm the first person to pee in the Taco Bell drive thru at 2 AM, I'm sure a lot worse things have happen in that drive thru than my urine.
You were definitely doing something right. You could only see the colored parts of his eyes a couple of times. I was pretty sure he was dead at some point.
My mom slipped a condom in my pocket along with a sticky note that said "be safe sweetie."
I think it's safe to say I'm rolling my hypothetical balls off
I would rather get explosive diarrhea at the aquarium than go home alone tonight
I can't find a song to express how gay I'm feeling.
I need to pull it together. I just cried my eyes out to Master Chef Junior.
pretty sure I blew his mind with the sex last night. He repaid me with a five minute conversation about power rangers.
They have beer where we have blood.
Someone took a shit in the house somewhere and I STILL can't find it. I'm just going to move.
But the real reason your aunt is drunk crying is because she has already had four margs and went for a 5th and someone is trying to stop her
If I had a dollar for every functioning brain cell you had I would owe someone a lot of money
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