o shit let me call u back theres a hamburger in my pocket
let's bang
You're in my phone as 'Weird Bus Guy' so I think my answer's no.
I just did the classiest thing ever.
last time you said that you got chlamydia.
Talk about awkward... Just went to dinner with my mother and realized I fucked our waiter the night before. She HAD to see the looks he was giving me!
explain to me why "crisis hotline lolz" is in my contacts?
I can't believe he would be such an ass
Your boobs are way too big for you to be worrying about anything.
There where 3 half naked girls passed out on the pool table, I crawled under it and just as I was about to go to sleep some guy walks up and says: "dude nice spot" walks away and comes back with a pillow.
SIMBAAAA REMEBER WHO YOU ARE
She asked for her virginity back. I don't know what to say
I want Samuel L. Jackson to stand beside me and narrate my morning shits.
Btw kudos to your tongue last night. Sorry about that lady jizz in your beard.
I walk in and my roomie is fucking her bf while wearing lingerie and minnie mouse ears. Right in the childhood.
Like how hard is it to come up to me with chocolate and wine and say "hey, you're beautiful. Wanna marathon Doctor Who in sweatpants?" Hell yes!
it doesn't matter what you do now, you will forever be known as the girl who fell off the roof
nooooo! we need to brain storm. I need rebranding....what if I start always showing up with my cat or a wacky hat?
try again roofio
i am currently wearing a bowl of frosting on my head. i do not regret any of my life choices leading to this moment
Randomize
