Let's make love on the newspapers that declare financial doomsday
It was like a drunk episode of Dora the Explorer. In English.
i guess that's what happens when you find your girlfriend at the zoo
Nothing ruins a good sext like too many emoticons
If that really is brett favre's penis, no wonder she ignored his calls
Howd you meet this guy?
I found him next to my pants on sunday morn.
After we were finished she said "That was like marriage sex". Should I take that as a compliment or insult?
He sent me a 7 minute voicemail of him playing wonderwall on the acoustic guitar I'm not even kidding did he seriously think that would work
Dear Jesus. Send me strength to not suck cock this morning.
All of the hungover. I've changed not showered but can't quite make it to the booze.
WE'RE IN THE RED ZONE PLAY THRU THE PAIN
I fully support your bad decision but I do not approve of your unironic use of the word yolo
You can either drink his whiskey or be a bitch. Doing both is just mean.
if anyone breaks out the olive oil & slip n slide, text me 911.
So my step mom just informed me she tells stories about me at work as a form of birth control for the girls that work there, not sure if i should be offended or proud.
That confirms what we've all known all along. I'm a bad gay. I have no fashion sense.
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