cab driver gave us mini bottles of jd for the ride home & proceeded to run every red light. wonder how many bottles he drank.
I told her we could go facebook official. If she ups the oral.
New low. Found an ant nibbling on my last xanax. Flicked it away and popped it in my mouth anyways.
Yeah next time you are over I'll let you beat it on her pillows and you will feel better.
i've lived in the woods for so long, as long as its post-op, i don't care.
Responsibility does not care about your dick.
just mapquested my walk of shame from saturday..bye bye freshman 15
We're not in high school anymore. I'm not going to pretend to be impressed as he butchers my favorite songs on his guitar. I just wanted to get laid.
i asked the cop if we could stop and do a chinese firedrill.... he said no.
The weed is temporarily burning the grammar section of my brain library.
I'm just trying my hardest not to get addicted to drugs or pregnant and all your other friends are out there getting married
You literally asked him, “Do you come here often? Do you want to visit my vagina?” With no hesitation
We are back but we are listening to stairway to heaven in my car. Amy is air drums. Be back when it's over.
well, shes hot as hell, but she does keep saying she's the president of the loch ness monster's fan club, so that's kinda a red flag...
My ex is stopping by while he’s working tonight after delivering a pizza to fuck me, then going back to work at Pizza Hut. This is what my life has become.
Randomize
