If she catches me sniffing the seat of her office chair again, she's either going to fire me or fuck me
Just applied online. Cant stop hiccupping. May be drunk. Hope they liked my smiley faces.
friends don't let friends hook up with gingers.
I'm so hungover even the car commercials make me nauseas
I just learned in bio that our sole purpose for life is to have sex.. so your high number is acceptable. its actually lacking.
yup, got lost on my way to the final. maybe i should have gone to this class all semester
Plus apparently whenever one of her friends loses their virginity they get a party with a funfetti cake which I found funny
when she started singing "you look better when im drunk" to my cat i realized it was time to take her home
It was all cool until he grabbed my vag and started screaming: THIS IS MINE.
Just a heads up before you get home. Took the shelves out of the fridge so i could fit the beer ball and bucket of riot punch. Apparently i decided the stove was the best place to keep them. They got cooked when we pre heated to cook a bird we shot. This may be the final straw for our security deposit
So hungover. Have a black eye from where I tried to brush my teeth and stabbed myself in the eye instead. Should make the performance review I was stress drinking about go so much better.
Celebrating landing my dream job by watching zombie movies and drinking free booze in the bath. I'm like 90% sure I just won life.
I sat on my couch last night watching What Women Want, eating ice cream, and sobbing "why doesn't she like me?" Why was I born a man?
The best part of the night was you shouting "I have to take the LSAT tomorrow" between shots of fireball.
Booty called 3 guys from my hospital bed
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