I don't know which is more embarrassing, the fact that I shat on the floor today or that I told you about it.
I think I'm going to inject the gummy vitamins with vodka
I'm glad you're using your medical degree for some good for once
is it sad that I can recall my outfits by who took them off?
He would stand there for a few seconds with a blank look on his face then randomly start running full sprint towards macdonalds. We'd catch him and he'd promise to stop so we'd let him go and he'd do it again.
Just disregard the tooth in the plastic bag in the fridge.
I'm wearing a shirt that says "birthday girls #1 homo" ...what has my life come to?
Last night was the twilight zone. We hungout with our 45 year old future selves and tried to fuck everything with a dick. Lets move forward from this.
I cant be sure, but i think ive been drunk in this church before.
do you still have a key to my apartment? Without going into too much detail locked myself out naked on the patio, currently using a deck cushion to cover myself so kids walking home from school dont see me
Seriously! We need to take her a thank you note or something. She puts up with the drugs and the extremely loud sex. She deserves a thank you card.
The smell came through my closed door. His farts are made of rendered tires, and apparently, ghosts.
Nothing worse then being at the gym on the elliptical next to a guy looking at porn on his phone
I've never had sex that lasts this long though. It's ridiculous. I feel like I need a Gatorade and a sweatband and a sub.
okay i know we havent talked for like weeks but i just really wanted to tell you that i miss your dick. like alot.
whose this? and thank you
Congratulations you now have a pet Scotsman.
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