FYI: if you have sex in your room with the light on, we can totally see your shadows from the parking lot
Your boyfriend has good rhythm though.
you're the one who masterbates every night to the titanic soundtrack
Had to use Google translator to be able to tell the cleaning lady not to throw away the condoms we have strategically placed throughout the house.
it makes it look bigger when i shave, i hope its not the same for a girl
Dude you need to stop whoring out my boobs. They are for emergencies only.
I just need you there to slap my dick when im flirting with her
I officially lit my glove on fire while lighting the bong. Winter needs to end.
I dunno... But she calls vodka "dancing juice"
Bren left me with a lovely parting gift. Newfouund alcoholism. I'm on the kitchen floor, hugging a bottle of vodka. It's my only friend now.
You kept yelling "wood grain wheel" and grinding on fat chicks.
The hell is wrong with me
I hooked up with a guy that had a beard last night felt like I was building a fucken log cabin
Your phone just changed "liver" to "liquor" how dose that make you feel
Do you have feelings for this penis?
Got a $290 noise violation last night for shouting "THE KING OF THE NORTH" til 2 am
the fact that I've been his fuck buddy for a year, and I'm pregnant isn't bothering me. the fact that he didn't tell me about his girlfriend does.
Randomize
