Dude you just kept yelling "She was my first asain!" right in front of her.
Kelly Kapowski is pregnant and it's not Zach Morris'. I no longer believe in true love.
I'm going as Jenn Sterger if she answered Favre's calls and ended up in a trash can. If I don't get laid tonight I'm going to be pissed
Everyone is hammered wasted already...young, old, the dying, babies...we got them all
Tomorrow, if I don't look at least 5% better than I do on a regular day to day basis, I want you to hit me and tell me that no one will ever love me if I continue to look like I just rolled out of a cocaine induced hibernation. I'm asking you for tough love.
So the first 4 hours of my morning was equivalent to seeing under water. Things were starting to get better until I remember I drank mustard for free stuff and flossed my teeth with a strand of hair from a stranger in the bathroom.
He stumbled out of the bar bathroom at 3:30 am with his jeans unzipped and his dick hanging out - it was the physical manifestation of "blackout with your cock out"
My life has become one weird ass game. No one wins. No one loses. We all just kind of hang in limbo and hope we don't die. Eskimo sisters for life. Please have sex with one of them.
I was just laughing and almost crying after I orgasmed, and then almost crying because I was laughing so hard. That's new.
Does he think you're psycho?
Officially...... yes.
Paris has not been good for her. Everytime she has a one night stand from a different country, she buys a mini flag and tapes it to her wall with the others
We'll just charge in there, all pant less and fabulous demanding he give back her ferret.
There's that certain point at night when you start saying things like s'mores should be used in foreign relations. I reached it.
I joined the mile high club last night. I ran a mile while high on coke. It was glorious
Only you would get a side of potential vagina with your sandwich
Was it a bad idea to have spent all of my tax return on coke?
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