My sheets look like a crime scene.
Protip: If you slur the word 'tipsy', you've progressed beyond tipsy.
Question: rebounding with your exboyfriend over your rebound guy is healthy right?
You're fine
I'm hiding in my chest because my walls smell weird. I'm not fine.
He goes "hi, free today?" WHEN AM I EVER FREE ON A SATURDAY, I GOT HUNGOVER TO BE AND DRUNK TO GET.
I dunno what the deal was, but you spent about an hour trying to put your phone charger in the outlet and you were yelling "one plug to rule them all"
All I am going to say is this: I woke up with lots of bruises on my knees from running around on all fours being a 'dinosaur'. Either girls night in went terribly wrong or terribly right.
I think we've reached the point in the summer were we need to go back to school. I was so bored yesterday I nearly bought blow dart gun.
I unknowingly motorboated my boyfriend's ex-gf last night. Yay me!
It's 2:10 am I am sprawled on the floor of the kitchen drunk and eating cold chicken wings come help
My purse is like an anchor I can't move I am sliding around like an over turned turtle send help
This floor is really dirty send a maid if you can
JUST DENIED A NEW YEARS KISS BECAUSE HE WAS A COWBOYS FAN.
& he told me that I give the best head ever.. like can I get that on a medal?
Apparently I was walking around with a slice of bread and wine saying, "Jesus would have wanted this." 🙄 🍞🍷
I should've known a straight guy wouldn't know all the words to Moana
dude i told her that I loved her...and she said, " go fuck yourself"
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