He told me he looked up all the foods that make cum taste better and he put it all on his moms shopping list. she came through my line. this ones a keeper I think.
you washed your face with toilet water last night.. i tried to stop you but you wouldn't have it.
i just identified you from a description of your pipe
Just saw the new iPhone. I would totally let Steve Jobs and Jon Ive eiffel tower me right now.
He looked at my vag and said "you have a nice situation down there. Good work"
I feel like all of the victims from Seven. Best birthday weekend ever.
The ultimate Father's Day bonding experience: Both getting bailed out of jail by mom for mooning some shithead cop.
A lumberjack bearing the gift of small oranges or gymnast sex... I love you man but you lose that battle 9 out of 10
Full disclosure. I fucked the fatty from work and shit is weird now.
I told him we could fuck whenever was concurrent for both of us
My roommates don't agree with the whole tv in the bathroom idea. Fucking barbarians.
He was feeling me up but acting like he was asleep. Like WTF does that mean??
He nailed that bed down really well so it won't break again. All I could think while he was nailing it was "challenge accepted".
He tried to throw up into a beer bottle. It was a complete disaster. Vomit went everywhere. It put the Bellagio's fountain to shame.
Wait. How did I get engaged last night?
Randomize
