why is it whenever you puke in the park there are always little kids on the swings?
I think it was our ex-neighbor Mike. He leaves Taco Bell outside our door a lot
He'll drop off his extra tacos at our place bc he's super high when he orders & can't eat them all
I took a shit in your bathtub. Nothings off limits
mom and dad are asleep. time to fish my half-full bottle of wine out from under my bed and give this christmas visit a pick-me-up.
"half-full" seems a little optimistic for the turn your night is taking.
We just reached that moment of the night when you start making cookie quesadillas. Party on Wayne
Nah its cool some of my cousins have fucked the same girls and brought them on family vacations and everything.
It was a taxi full of fist pumps and chanting to "face down, ass up". It was that 1% that makes my job worth it.
He literally cocked blocked all the dudes that tried to talk to the girls he was with, and they all loved him.
Same guy who tossed the brunet over his shoulder as they left screaming "Bring me my lucky shovel!"
Shit my boyfriend's roommate thinks thinks: I love getting woken up to the sound of my roommate getting a blowjob
I need to stop acting like a drunk bitch. People are going to get the right idea about me...
We'll get you some ice cream, but no sprinkles. Sprinkles are for winners.
I love you man but my hope is that you will not wake me up again by pissing on me
Currently using my kid's computer to charge my vibrator. #thisis30ish
I think I may have gotten way too used to using my boobs as an extra hand/pocket...almost stabbed myself in the chin bc I forgot I put my fork there
She's better-looking with the mask on.
Randomize
