'hiiiigh' is saved in my t9 for a reason
I just gave the bartender my number in roman numerals. If she figures it out, she's worth a shot
I woke up with a new Tiffanys necklace on. I'm such a classy drunk.
Passing out during sex is actually quite pleasant. its like being rocked to sleep with a penis
Still in Rome. Hooked up with frat boy from SoCal that's studying abroad. He said he was 1/8 italian. I'll take it.
Sorry really high. We have no lighter so we're lighting the bowl with rolled up paper towels lit by candle which also lit with a rolled up paper towel that we lit with the stove eye
That final makes me want to drink myself into the fetal position
You told me that you were mad me because I wouldn't let you 'explore my castle'. Then you said I smelled like a hospital and passed out.
You know I'm dangerous when I have make-out withdrawals
The UTI came back with a vengeance.
But he was still all, "YOU TEXTED TONY WHILE YOU WERE GETTING FUCKED?!" Like THAT was the weird part.
He told me to leave him behind and bury him in his batman pajamas. So two lessons I guess, don't give Tom whiskey and don't touch his daddy issues with a twenty nine and a half foot pole.
Well it might’ve been because you asked to play What Makes You Beautiful at the club
U sent me lyrics to wind beneath my wings
My liver misses your liver
My new plan is to whip out my titties when they arrive. Maybe they won’t notice that I broke the couch fucking my boss...
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