i wanna stay in my bed and fart for a few more hours
I found your twin in sf. His name is ryan. And you are the evil one.
My vagina hasn't been this smooth since I was 8. I better get laid tonight.
How many times a week can a couple have a threesome with the same guy before it becomes some sort of 3-way relationship?
i woke up this morning next to my toilet covered in an attempt to make blanket of toilet paper
I may be in pain from falling off the roof but getting to the morning roof keg was well worth it.
Playing a game in life called "how far can I make a man travel for a booty call"
Apparently you can legally be topless in Boulder, CO. Get on it.
How do people deal with hangovers? I literally want to eat my own face.
I just horrified a large group of people. Congrats on dating me.
Not yoga, whiskey. Totally mis-typed whiskey.
Dunno. My heart says "no", my brain says "maybe" and my dick says "YES YES FOR THE LOVE OF GOD YES!!"
Girl I'm contemplating picking up some adult diapers. That's how bad this is and it's only day 2.
This is why I can't take dates to shows... I've literally made out with everyone in this band. And two of the guys in the crowd. And the bartender.
Apparently I gave a guy a hand job on the dance floor. ON THE DANCE FLOOR.
Randomize