I figured it out. hungover me hates drunk me, drunk me hates sober me, and sober me hates being sober. so yes, were blacking out tonight.
Just watched a guy pause a bluetooth convo to puke outside of esso. gotta love orangeville
I wish i had a shirt that said, "I know what you're thinking and it's not herpes on my face"
according to the woman who took my blood today, i have "party veins"
peeing off your aunts pourch into the koy pond seemed like a good idea at the time
Just peed on my foot. Thank you Sunday hangovers.
FUCK... Pulled a chick from the bar went to her house passed out on the shitter. She lives in a house full of girls. They were making poop jokes as i left
I like dinosaurs. I like penises. It's kind of a win win
He said he doesnt believe in the female orgasm,so no I did not have sex with him.
I told him I tried to eat a stranger's sandwich while I was drunk. Mildly disappointed but he realizes he has me for a kid.
How do I carry myself in a way that says "I swallow"?
I was gonna drive but when i tried to use telekinesis to get my keys, I knew I shouldn't be driving
I genuinely attribute some of my blowjob skills to playing saxophone in highschool
I'm sending him pics of me in my new lingerie telling him to come over and when he gets here I'll have changed into like sweats and a 5 year old shirt with ketchup stains on it
When the theology professor asked me what touched me most about this trip to Rome, I guess "the guy from last night" wasn't the proper response.
Randomize
