Do you think people stop being hipsters when they're naked? because that's what my research shows.
its like randi wears special contacts, but instead of colors they make her eyes say "I want cock"
OMG THIS GUYS LICENSE PLATE IS GETTNHRWET
It's 3 am and my parents just came up the driveway in a limo. They didn't leave in a limo. I'm scared to even ask.
the only good thing about these hospital visits are the free pregnancy tests
I am dressing up to go buy weed. I need to get out more.
He introduced me to his parents as the girl he made out with on Thursday night...
I'm not proud of how I threatened that 8 year old during drunken laser tag
Embrace your curves. Cuz we're too poor for a coke habit.
We found her on the balcony debating if it was easier to jump or throw up. Neither decision would not have been good for the 91 year old below us.
Yeah. I couldn't figure out why my toes hurt. Apparently, the guy I was dancing with, kept running them over with his wheelchair.
I REMEMBER NUGGETS BEING THERE BUT WE WERE AT A TACO BELL
It's a long story, but I accidentally peed on my dog. I'll tell you about it tomorrow, and we shall never tell my wife.
Foreign objects found in purse this morning include: chocolate covered pretzels, pepper spray, and farm animal shaped key chains (you know the ones you squeeze and fake poop comes out, yea those)
I a very close black and white picture of my slightly erect penis and I blew it up put it in an art gallery for a show coming up and somebody bought it for 30 Grand!!!
Randomize
