I just watched a guy get turned down by a prostitute
How wet are you?
Ever heard of a U-boat?
I know eh? If a man wants to pay 7 bucks to see some boobies he should be allowed to do so in peace.
nothing like walking down the street with a garbage bag of puke trying to find a dumpster
Bro I am trying to have one night stands nothing more, unless she is baking waffles I can eat out of her butthole I am not interested
Was that your vagina? Received a text pic from a number I didn't recognize. Shaved, so no hair color cues. But it looked like your lips.
Holding a cold bottle of mikes hard lemonade against my pulverized taint....this is my Sunday night
I messaged him asking for his address. He replied with the address then said, "If you're gonna stalk me, I'm the third window on the side and usually get naked around 8am and anytime randomly after 6pm (listen for music).. If you're sending anthrax, I'm 6'2" 225lbs so send a good amount."
So when this rash is gone wanna hang out?
It's like Jesus got stoned and this would be the sandwiches he'd make
your phone died, so you started bawling in the bar
yeah that sounds like me
He fucked me in one of the back rooms at the club then gave me an altoid. I have mixed feelings about it still.
Was not aware that standing loudly up off the couch and loudly, drunkenly slurring "I'M EIGHTEEN NOW BITCHES" counted as a primitive mating call.
Whatever he got a sick blow job and his high school fantasy was fulfilled
And that's what dreams are made of
*hilary duff crying in the background*
Turns out your granddad is cooler than you. We're taking him on our New year's eve pub crawl instead. Sorry.
Randomize
