I can't get into him, he looks really young. I'd feel like I was blowing the Gerber baby.
Even my Mr Clean Magic Eraser can't make last night disappear.
my dad just beat the shit out of me cuz i blew my nose on one of my dirty t shirts and he saw it and thought it was cum.
College is just filling the gap until I get a rich girl pregnant
I miss Michael Jackson so much sometimes
My therapist is concerned about your alcoholism.
AND BY FEELINGS I MEAN VODKA
Your vagina doesn't want to be violated with garnishes. I get it.
He was stoned laying on my bed singing I'm a little tea cup while I took a pregnancy test. Thank god it was negative.
I know you've been in hospital with meningitis, but last night I walked into a streetlight and bruised my penis so who's really suffering here
I would have rather been getting my vagina slowly waxed all day then be here.
I finished my first whiskey and I'm waiting to have a second one in celebration when your pregnancy test comes back negative
You don't make any sense
TEQUILA
I think i got beer on your cat.
Now all my porn is stored in my parents’ basement. It’s like a part of my soul is boxed up
Randomize
