afterwards we were spooning and he said he wished he was a kangaroo so he cold put me in his pouch and keep me forever. I left as soon as he was asleep.
i saw like six of her guido cousins in the jersey shore trailer alone. her family is having a dinner party for the premiere tonight.
new years resolution, not be in jail at midnight for 3rd year in a row.
We have zombies coming, and all you can think about is cock.
Last I remember we played rock paper scissors for who would fuck the guy with cowboy boots on and I won..
Yea i think drunk-me kept all my bar receipts, just to throw it in sober-me's face.
I've had balls on my face twice in last 48 hours and I STILL haven't got laid!
I swear that when we jog in the morning I can hear it slap between his thighs
Why did you send me 12 pictures in a row of your expressionless face at 2:30 am?
OH FOR FUCKS SAKE! SOMEONE TOOK ME FOR A GODDAMN PROSTITUTE!! IM WEARING LEG WARMERS!!! THAT IS LIKE THE LEAST HOOKERISH THING TO WEAR!
He called himself Jesus all night but I'm not sure if that's his real name or not
Needs to be more caveman. "Me kill roommate. You watch. Then sex time with our genitals."
I had a meltdown and you quoted Puddle of Mudd to me
Just letting you know that I just spent 11 dollars on a car wash... Because you had sex in my car.
We lost. I'mma go home and drink more and do a face mask and wonder why it is that god put me on this Earth to suffer
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