My mouth tastes like defeat. Did he at least have money?
And God said, "Let there be Twilight," and it was so.
I should injure you considerably.
It's weekends like this that make it obvious why we have to pay to come to college.
if i actually bought condoms for every time i had sex, i could single handedly fix the economy
That's actually a fantastic idea... The kinky sex dungeon will be vastly improved by the addition of a lightsaber
THIS IS A FLATMATE WARNING! The white powder next to sink is washing powder I spilled and is not meant for human comsumption. I repeat- do not digest, snort or smoke the white powder next to the sink!!!!
Yeah I just don't know how I feel about my fuck buddy coming to work at my dads office with me.
Batchelotette party success. I woke up on the floor in nothing but a thong, a garter and a shirt that says Just Do Me.
I have what looks like a rubber stamp mark on my cock from last night that says "Magic Marla Approved" Do we know a Marla?
just woke up on a lounge chair wearing a durag and holding burrito wrappers in my hands
I never thought I would be saying these words but...when did David Spade get hot?
Im just confused who has their mom break up with someone
You came home screaming the lyrics to Drunk in love, and dumped wine on me when I said you would never be Beyoncé
I am naked, and drinking straight gin with a flat tonic chaser. I had such greater hopes for myself as a child.
yea...tonic water is fucking gross.
using my tits for other peoples nudes hit me up business in the making
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