the women in the ladies room did not appreciate my innovation of turning a sink into a urinal
Whatever you do to me, stop, I found yet another blonde hair in my asshole.
Hookup with hot guy from gym, check. Wake up to find he's peed in my closet, double check.
Drunk sex destroyed my coffee table... ikea this weekend?
It's a given that you're going to get peed on at a country concert
I DON'T WANT TO DEMONSTRATE MY DICK TAKING ABILITIES WITH MY MOM THERE.
Ugh I hate you, and the responsible adult life I pretend to have during daylight hours
So after tonight I now have 6 Harry Potter movies left to get laid to. Before tonight it was 8. Fucking right
I woke up and found cookies in my purse. It's a 12/12/12 miracle.
just got home to find my brothers naked on the floor covered in chocolate. i am now nervous about sleeping in the same room as them
He wouldn't let me leave his house until he made me orgasm once for every year I've been alive. The birthday sex song did not prepare me for this.
"Do You Wanna Build a Snowman" came on while I was riding his dick. I had to take a moment.
My prof handed me back my essay on Lesbians in literature, gave me an A and then we had sex in her office. Told you she was gay.
somehow I wound up on the floor crying about his beard. then telling everyone I'd give him a "lesbian blowjob".
If you find out what that means, show me.
Ugh. All the good hoes are in their third trimester.
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