Just went to my life planning class. The professor has a braid going halfway down his back and an earring.
Just found 2 diff. colored pubes in my underwear..new record.
My mom made me chili for when I get home from the bar. Those are the standards I expect you to live up to
The "puke-towel" started to grow something...
Wella between the drunkards, the inevitable slutty costumes, and someone doing a BODY SHOT OFF A PREGNANT GIRL, i lost my halloween spirit. Bah humbug.
FYI I'm about to upload a vid of you to facebook of you screaming "SNACK ATTACK" and throwing cheetos at everyone playing pong...
The last thing I remember is ordering two Martinis while yelling 'CAN YOU PUT THAT IN ONE GLASS?'
Who wants vodka and apple sauce
That birthday blow job you ordered came in the mail today. I suggest you hurry home.
She's wearing her dead grandmother's pearl on the married finger so no guys "bother her" tonight... I am not THAT committed to Girl's Night.
Only Tommy would bring a stripper pole to a bonfire
Your children are clinging to me like my teets are full of bountiful milkiness. They're driving me nuts. I felt my uterus shrivel up.
No seriously, I don't care if you just sucked God's dick. I have had a better Fat Tuesday than you
I almost don't wanna have sex with her because I'm afraid she'll steal my hat
The tamale guy is fucking with me, I wanna sleep in he wakes me up; early wake-n-bake and he's late and I'm hungry
Randomize
