all her text said was "asdfhdaufhudshfuds" and i knew that meant come over
Some guy just yelled at me from his car "CLIIIIIIIIIITT"... I feel like this has something to do with last night....
Well, as a member of the greater american southwest gay community I just have to mark this as a total loss and you will be missed.
He is making me drink his THC water out of a milk jug.
You and Eric are like slutty bowling balls, and that poor family are the pins. They won't know what hit em.
strike, motherfucker.
I totally left my shirt at your house. Also I think I high fived your cactus last night
in the future when you find clothing in your street, just assume it's mine.
You asked me to pick a color between pink and purple, and I said orange; you told me, "okay, that's a truth question". Then you asked if I had ever deep-throated a cupcake...I didn't even know what to say.
We were walking home from Pluckers (read carrying your drunk ass) and out of nowhere you yelled "Say bitch you got a Facebook?" at a random chick walking by.
Your anal douche was on bathroom counter. Now it's in dumpster. Not ok. I am mad. Very mad.
We should probably feel disgusted that we took turns eating and drunkenly passing around a burrito the size of a small dog but i’m ok with it.
I bought the restaurant a boat airhorn to wake up sleeping employees.
I love you
the worst part about living alone is not having other peoples snacks to mooch off of when you havent gone grocery shopping in three weeks. i'm so pms-y i'm about to eat a soy sauce packet
Considering all of my stomach contents ended up in my center console, I'm a bit peckish.
Come as you are, bitch. Glitter and vodka provided.
Randomize
