Do u have any bacon or vodka by chance
Going to get tested monday. You're coming with. Bonding time, slut style.
if women knew the size of my dick, theyd be much more receptive to my sloppy drunken advances
It was tug of war between me and the cop. He wanted the beer, I wanted the coozie.
no more heavy drinking durning the lady that cleans the office told me i have to emtpy my own thrash if i puke in it
Whoever decided it was a good idea to sell 40's at a bar with life-sized jenga deserves a nobel prize.
Him cheating on his girlfriend resulted in a $1500 hospital bill from repeated blows to his testicles by my ass. They diagnosed his pain as "testicle trauma". Sex karma at it's finest.
2000 dollars has been put in for bail money. Also we're signing contracts
Water skiing blazed is the most scary thing I've ever done.
So looks like I applied to adopt a dog last night. I'm completely ok with this
More importantly this is sex weather and i am striking out
The condition was that I had to eat her out to Beethoven
I think one of my ovaries is committing suicide. But that is a topic for another day.
Please don't think I'm weird for texting you this at 12:08 am but I just found another picture on the Internet where I think you can see his dick through whatever he's wearing
you know it was a good night when you wake up with a medal around your neck
Randomize
