Jesus wouldn't steal pop tarts. So why did you?
I'd be more interested in girls if they were more interested in anal.
My professor just suggested making the state of the union more interesting by turning it into a drinking game. Brilliant!!
Yeah I had to push her down the hallway to the hotel room in a luggage carrier. The guy at the desk told me goodluck
it was a frathouse cornucopia of foul mixed drinks and "sangria", which im convinced was blood and pcp
Can I write your parents a thank-you note for your huge dick?
I should make a collage of all the pictures of me caught doing slutty things
yea I went to the store high again.. I think we're having pie for dinner.
He offered me handsanitizer after a hand job, you can't tell me he's not perfect!
my suitemate came in my room last night and flashed me. and then she just walked away. deff transferred to the right school
He told me that his greatest skill was making White Russians.
Not sure what time I'll be home. I'm currently topless and the damn stripper won't give me my clothes back
Dipping my sugar cookies in a glass of fireball and creme soda. This is holiday spirit
he told me he had a gf and in the very next sentence asked if I wanted to have sex.
I guess we coulda said a little less mature audience and a little more e for everyone.
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