My key broke off while I was turning the key. I can't pull the broken key out. Not only am i locked outside, so is the rest of the building.
i was texting myself key events from last night so i could remember this morning. looked at my phone, texted my mother instead. our numbers differ by 1 digit
Princeton has an emergency contraception worldwide website. It is in moments like these that I love my university
Then he told me he was 40. I'm not sure if I have enough Daddy issues to go for it
Some milfs here doing some blow
Dad?
Turning 21 on Saint Patty's day. I like to think this is what my alcoholic ancestors have prepared me for
And I'm PMSing. So if I'm not crying, I'm masturbating.
I know. I almost started crying. IN WHAT UNIVERSE IS THAT A TURN ON?!
Just gave a gay guy pointers on how to make anal not hurt. Reevaluation of life choices: in progress.
I awoke this morning alone and naked in my bed I forecast my date later not going so well because I have three giant hickies on my neck there is a note next to my bed that looks a 3rd grader wrote it on my college acceptance letter
I'm running on two hours of sleep, a shot of vodka, and half of a granola bar. I can't be held responsible for what I do.
i have never been so sexually frustrated as I am right now. I feel like dying...is death an option?
you got in a fight with your imaginary friend last night when he didn't catch you after a surprise trust fall
I'd still fuck that
You'd fuck a dead moose
Quite possible
I think I'm more excited for Santa to come now that I made a drinking game out of it
Randomize
