Only a mothe r could love this liver
u sent me just one boob. one just doesnt do it for me. u dont get full on a half a rack of ribs u need a full one
Here's the thing. I'm really high and have lots of questions about lightning.
He took a banana and in front of everyone showed her how he wanted it done.
you woke me up in the middle of the night to tell me you were taking off your pants and it was not an invitation.
She had one unshaved part on her vagina that she called "the soul patch" I just didn't know what to think
Would it be sharing too much to tell you that my nipples hurt so much that I couldn't comfortably go down the stairs?
Saved a life and got us a free vacuum cleaner (and learned vacuum is not spelled "vacumn"). Get on my level.
Welcome to the difference between being FWBs (remember how we used to see who could get more lap dances a night?) and being in a relationship. Fun, huh?
Oh, I also stabbed a guy Friday and he still asked me out
I wish I could send you one of those donuts I had. Like teleport it to you. Because it would change your life
I mean, what's the polite way to say, "sorry but I can't date you cuz I'm sleeping with your boss" ??
its Niagara falls. its like international waters. You can get away with anything there
I just discovered that jello shots are the best hangover cure
You said that last night when you did jello shots at 4am
Hi I love you will you be up for a while!
That exclamation point was a drunk decision
Randomize
